I really feel at a loss for words of how to describe my time in Swaziland. I have never experienced a place before that I feel as though my words are nowhere near enough. My pictures hopefully gave you a small visual glimpse into my time there, but without the story behind each face, I feel like I am failing miserably at expressing my time in this amazing country.

As I was hearing the stories behind the faces and being able to try to feel what their heart was feeling, I was taken back. As I heard many of the statistics about Swaziland before going there, I was prepared for situations full of death and depression. Rather, I found the opposite. I experienced so much life and joy in this country. I witnessed life in Christ and His purposes for these people that are predicted to death from the rest of the world. These people may have been written off by the rest of the world due to the staggering statistics, but they have not been forgotten by their Heavenly Father. I have never seen such pure simplicity and contentment. In the midst of death, starvation, and poverty these people are still seeking after the Lord and trusting in His plan and purpose for this country and these people.

Oh if only more of North America could experience this. Would we still complain about the little things we so often do? Would we be wasting as much food as we do? Would we put to better use our many blessings?

As I heard the people of Swaziland talk about how they think God's blessing is all over Western culture and God's judgment and wrath is all over Africa, my heart literally broke. I spoke life into these lies as much as I could. It's sad to hear from many of the nonbelievers, that they believe their life is meaningless and short. If only they could see the heart of their Father. Their Father has an important purpose for them in this world. This is the first time I've felt like I wanted to pour out every little ounce inside of me. I was completely exhausted, but I wanted to give more. God truly touched my heart in such a deep way for these people. All the little cares I used to have were so far from my mind. I was focused on loving these people and building a relationship with them in any way I could.

So I'm left with the thought of, "Ok Lord, now what?" I've seen such a great need. I've poured out as much as my heart and soul as I could, but I still feel so helpless. It's simple, they need help. Many in Western culture are not called to go, God has plans and purposes for them in that culture, and we need to praise and bless those works. However, we as believers are called to tend and care for others.

"For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more" Luke 12:48b. That verse scares me. I feel so unbelievably blessed by God, but for most of my life I was keeping it all to myself. So whether you are called to go and touch these people, or whether you are called to just support those who are going and doing, we are all still required to give of ourselves.

God is moving and working in MIGHTY ways all around the world. Life is passing us by, don't sit complacently waiting and watching. Step up, get involved, be God's hands and feet to this world. Being a missionary is EVERYWHERE you are. There are ministries all around you, how are you advancing the Kingdom?? Support the work of the Lord all around the globe. It's so hard for native missionaries around the world to get support, so we need to share their stories. Pour out our blessings onto them, so that they can be an even greater blessing to those they are reaching out to.

There are brothers and sisters all over the world being adopted into the Kingdom and helping to advance it, don't you want to be a part of this?

Why is it so easy to start focusing on all these "characteristics" that should be radiating from our lives as Christians and miss the whole point of what we are supposed to be living for?? Satan is much smoother than I think many people care to acknowledge. He knows we aren't going to fall for the "typical" worldly traps, and so he resorts to disguising himself in "holy, righteous" ways that we think we ought to be living. Our society is so bogged down with terminology, and actions that should come forth from a believer's life. These in and of themselves are not bad, but they can so easily take our gaze off of what is truly important, the Cross of Christ. The pressure that can come from an atmosphere like this can cause someone to question so much and totally forget why we are doing this in the first place.

I felt this pressure so many times since leaving in June, and for a while, I truly did feel that if wasn't living up to my potential as God's daughter. Thankfully, God has grabbed hold of my heart again. He reminded me of what is preached over and over again in the gospels, and that is simply to LOVE GOD and to LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR HIM. All the other stuff will come as a product of that. So I am shrugging off this pressure I have felt from so many around me and running towards Jesus. I am falling more in love with God for WHO He is, not for WHAT He can give me.

"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course andthe ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."

ACTS 20:24

PS. You can now comment on my blogs and/or email me!

I am having the hardest time collecting all of my thoughts of what is going on in my heart and my mind. This month has been filled with many ups and many downs. God has revealed so many things to me. I feel almost at a loss for words.

God has been teaching me to "let my words be few." So I will try to summarize as briefly as possible. My new team is filled with many strong personalities and talkers. As I have been placed in this situation, God has been teaching me to limit my words and truly weigh my words before I speak. This is a constant battle for me. As I learn to put my thoughts and opinions aside and to just completely listen to another's without adding in my two cents.

 

Just when we think the change is over, God changes things up again. I am recovering from my control addictions, and God has not ceased to place me in situations where I have absolutely zero control, and the only thing I can rest in is Him. When I stop and think about it, I get almost frustrated with myself for even trying to do things my way. I should instead feel honoured that the King of the universe cares about every little detail about me. He is jealous for me. God is showing me that I don't dream big enough, I don't push things to the limits. I often settle for things that are much less than what He intended for me. As I am put into situations to continually learn to release control and trust solely in my Father, I can't help but have a sense of deep rest. I know that everything is going to be taken care of, and I just have to following His leading.

We found out Monday, that our team was once again changing slightly. So here is my new team that is named "in.tent.city" (intensity). We are calling ourselves this, because it is our vision to go deeper with God, in our relationship with Him, in our gifting, in understanding truth, and in community.

Please be praying for us as we build relationships with one another and learn to trust each other. We know God has placed each of us together and are very excited to see what He has in store for us individually and as a team.